Posted by Danny on 2/21/2003 at 08:22:03
IP: 12.242.162.217
crap you guys...I just can't get his one right. I'll actually be
speaking on SUNY Brockport on the 27th, not the 28th and it's open to
the public for a small fee. Sorry.
Danny
better yet...
Posted by Danny on 2/20/2003 at
18:43:05
IP: 12.242.162.217
A Brave Athlete, Supportive School The Massconomet Regional High
football team’s co-captain comes out and finds a world of support
By Peter Cassels
Bay Windows staff
Copyright 2000
Reprint courtesy of Bay Windows Magazine
http://www.baywindows.com
Corey Johnson urges Outsports
readers to e-mail him.
Corey Johnson, with his parents Ann and Rod Richardson, at the Gay,
Lesbian and Straight Education Network's regional conference March 25,
where Corey received an award for his courage in coming out to his
varsity football team.
PHOTO: Marilyn Humphries
The co-captain of a Massachusetts high school football team may be the
first high school athlete in the nation to declare his homosexuality so
publicly while still enjoying the support of his teammates, parents and
coaches. Corey Johnson, a senior linebacker and guard on the Massconomet
Regional High School squad, came out in April 1999, but delayed
discussing it
with the news media until now.
On March 25, the Boston Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
bestowed its Visionary Award on Johnson and his teammates at its annual
conference at Tufts University.
Even though he was pursued by national media to tell his story, Johnson
told Bay Windows during a March 26 interview that he wanted to wait
until this year’s football season was over, fearing it would draw
attention away from the task at hand: winning games.
His story is unusual in that he didn’t experience much of the hostility
some youths do when they come out. Although they were surprised,
teammates, classmates and the community north of Boston where he lives
didn’t harass Johnson. For the most part, even competing team members
accepted his homosexuality.
The shock that a high school sports star could be gay may be attributed
to the fact that no one suspected. The athlete, who turns 18 in April,
stands five feet nine inches and weighs 175 pounds, defies the
mainstream stereotype of a gay man. “I’ve never been to a Broadway
musical in my life,” he kids.
However, the universal acceptance belies months of worry, depression and
stress that preceded his decision.
Johnson, who says he’s known since he was 12 or 13 that he’s gay, is the
model of the All-American teenager. Growing up in upper-middle-class,
conservative Middleton on Cape Ann, he’s been involved in sports his
entire life. Besides football, he’s played baseball, basketball and
lacrosse and was a member of the school’s wrestling team.
“When I first started having sexual feelings, it was like a non-issue,”
he recalls. “I said, ‘Okay. Whatever.’ There are others things to do.”
While he had heard some negative comments about gays, there was one
incident that brought it home: A family friend said something derogatory
during a Super Bowl party in his sophomore year.
“I got up, went into the bathroom, sat down and cried. It was the first
time it hit me. The following week it was permeating me. I was feeling
it deeply. I became depressed and somewhat volatile in my emotions.”
Johnson decided to see his guidance counselor and came out to her,
saying he was bisexual. “She was very supportive.” Two weeks later he
came out to a teacher.
That spring he missed a day of school because of his depression, so he
had to sit out lacrosse practice that day. His coach, who was also his
history teacher, asked Johnson what was wrong. “It was a rainy, dreary,
morose day. I came out to him in the middle of the lacrosse field. He
said ‘Don’t let anyone tell you there’s something wrong with you. You’re
a special person.’ We talked about it for about an hour and a half.”
While still depressed that summer, “things were better because I didn’t
have to deal with school. That was a major stress reliever.”
Johnson and his team had a great 1998 season, finishing with a
ten-and-one record. In early December, after the season ended, he was
elected co-captain. “My parents were unbelievably happy and proud of
me.” By Christmas vacation he had come out as gay to two more faculty
members, but still faced a major challenge: telling his parents.
On Jan. 4, 1999, he told his mother he wanted to talk. They went for a
drive. Once on the highway, his mom demanded to know what was wrong. He
suggested they stop first, but she refused.
“I said, ‘Mom, every morning before you drop me off at school, you tell
me you love me and every night before I go to bed, you tell me you love
me.’ I said, ‘I have something very important to tell you and all I want
to do is strengthen our relationship. ‘ She told me I could tell her
anything. By now, I was crying. I said, ‘Mom, I’m gay.’ She said, ‘Oh,
that doesn’t matter. I love you unconditionally. You’re my son. So we
sat in a parking lot and talked and cried for about half an hour.”
He came out to his father a few days later, but he already suspected
because he read an on-line computer conversation Johnson had a year
earlier. “He was extremely supportive. He said, ‘I’m glad you finally
made the decision to tell us and I hope you’ll feel a lot better now.’”
Later, he told his 10-year-old sister, who was “fine with it.”
Johnson felt like “I lifted a large anvil off my shoulders,” but decided
a few months later that he wanted to come out to his football team. “I
felt like I owed it to myself and to other people
that I shouldn’t be ashamed of that part of myself.”
He made the decision on March 25, 1999, at the annual GLSEN Boston
conference. He had come out to an adviser to his school’s gay/straight
alliance, but had never attended a meeting. The adviser asked him if he
wanted to attend the conference. “The other attendees didn’t know I’m
gay. I was timid and scared getting on the bus with them.” Today he is
the group’s co-chair.
Within a few weeks, Johnson met with the faculty members who knew. The
majority advised him to wait until he graduated so he wouldn’t have to
suffer potential harassment. “I told them from my heart how I felt and
how important this was to me and my well-being. They totally supported
me.”
He wanted to tell one more person before he told the team: his best
friend Sean, a constant companion on the athletic field for a year and a
half. They played football and lacrosse and served on the wrestling team
together. On April 7, he pulled Sean out of class. They sat on a bench
outside. “I said, ‘Sean I’m gay.’ He said, ‘No, you’re not. Stop kidding
around.’ I said, ‘No, Sean. I’m really gay. I’m not kidding.’ He leaned
back, took it all in and started crying. I said, ‘Sean, what’s the
matter?’ He said, ‘Well, I thought I knew everything about you. And I’m
sorry you couldn’t tell me this part you’ve been hiding.’” Sean remains
his best friend.
Then he told his football coach, Jim Pugh, who also teaches special
education, and told him he wanted to tell his teammates. Pugh, too, was
supportive and agreed.
With the cooperation of the administration, Pugh arranged to get his
junior classmates on the team together the next day, April 8. With the
season long over, they were puzzled about why a
meeting was being held.
Johnson didn’t pull any punches: “I stood up in front of the team and
said, ‘Guys, I called this meeting because I have something I really
want to tell all of you. And I hope you’ll be supportive. ... The reason
I’m telling you all is because I don’t want you hearing it from somebody
else. I’m coming out as an openly gay man.’ Their jaws dropped, their
eyes bulged. I said, ‘I’m still the same person I’ve always have been.
...I hope this won’t change anything.’”
He suspected illogical fears by now were racing through their heads, so
he told them: “I didn’t come on to you in the locker room last year. I’m
not going to do it this year. Who says you guys are good enough anyway?”
That broke the tension. As the meeting drew to a close, some teammates
said what was on their minds. One said, “I’m glad you told us. I’d like
to be supportive of you in any way possible.” Another said, “Even if
others on the team don’t agree with you being gay, in order to be
cohesive team, they just have accept it and put it aside.”
Within two minutes after the meeting, the entire school knew. To a
person, they told Johnson they were surprised and didn’t have a clue.
Support was far more common than criticism, although, he says, there
were a few homophobes. “One of the GSA advisers — Johnson declined to
say which one — was inspired to come out three days before he told the
team. Johnson said she asked herself, “If this 16-year-old can come out
why can’t I?”
Not that he didn’t encounter some opposition. While his teammates
weren’t upset, a few of their parents were. One suggested re-voting for
captain. Pugh told him that it was a non-issue and wouldn’t consider it.
The coach added that what he was doing in raising these questions was a
lot more destructive for the team than Johnson’s being gay.
His teammates took his sexuality in stride. In the locker room, they
asked about what kind of guys he likes and where’s the nearest gay bar
was. “I said there’s a gay bar in Boston called the Ramrod. They said,
‘Oh, we want to get T-shirts from there.’ They joked around about it in
a very inclusive way.”
Johnson tells two stories. The second game of the 1999 season was
against rival Winfield High School. During the week leading up to the
game, its captain was using anti-gay rhetoric and epithets. “The coach
told his players he could not play. I found that out the day of the
game.”
When Johnson walked on the field, the Winfield player across from him
said, “Faggot, we’re going to kill you, you ####ing homo.” “I just
started laughing because I had come out to my football team and my
parents and this one kid thinks he’s going to intimidate me. I went back
to the huddle and I told the team what just happened. The other
co-captain, said, ‘Don’t worry Corey, we have your back.’ We won
25-to-0.”
Later in the season they defeated Weston High School. On the bus ride
home the team sang. “Somebody said let’s sing a song for Corey. They
started singing the Village People’s ‘YMCA’ and, later, ‘It’s raining
men.’ Then they started chanting ‘GSA!’ I got up and bowed and everyone
started laughing.”
Pugh has nothing but praise for Johnson, whom he described as one of his
toughest players: “You have to stand up and be who you are. That’s what
Corey wanted to do. Football coaches I’ve talked to throughout the
league and all over have said the kid has to have a lot of guts to go
into that arena and tell them. It’s unusual.
“This kid has moved a lot of people, including adults. He’s done a lot
for the football program and the school and you’ll continue hearing a
lot of good things about Corey.”
Asked what advice he would give other gay athletes, Pugh says: “I think
it’s a kid’s individual choice. Not all kids would be as comfortable
dealing with the stupid remarks of some ignorant people. You have to be
pretty strong. Here he is coming out knowing that he could take quite a
bit of abuse from a lot of people, so it’s perhaps not the best thing
for every kid. But as you break down these barriers, we have to deal
with it and accept it.”
Pugh credited the school, parents, the community and, particularly Jeff
Perrotti and Deb Levy of the Massachusetts Safe Schools program. “They
were with us all the way. Jeff came to many, many meetings at the
school.”
Dan Woog, author of “Jocks: True Stories of America’s Gay Male
Athletes,” told Bay Windows he agrees with Pugh’s assessment: “Corey is
my hero. He has done something that, to my knowledge, has never been
done before. And he has done it with dignity, poise, intelligence,
passion — even a bit of humor. He is the epitome of what a high school
student-athlete should be. Corey has opened the eyes and hearts of minds
of so many people.
“From now on, I hope, gay boys who love football will be able to feel
there is a place for them there — and straight athletes will know that
having a gay teammate is not wrong or bad or weird. It just IS. Corey
has accomplished plenty on the football field — and a whole lot more off
it.”
Sports and gay athletes and sports fans: information on jocks, sports
news and more. We encompass the sporting passions of gay and lesbian
sports fans everywhere. Get news and post your opinion.
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directly below
Posted by Danny on 2/20/2003 at 18:30:13
IP: 12.242.162.217
forgot my #### name
Posted by on 2/20/2003 at
18:28:59
IP: 12.242.162.217
Here's a really good article for you guys to read. Check it out.
This kid has mad balls.
D
http://www.outsports.com/gaymassplayer.htm
SUNY Brockport
Posted by Danny on 2/20/2003 at 12:30:02
IP: 12.242.162.217
yep...my mistake. I'll be speaking on the night of the 28th with
Kelley and attending a private party on the night of March 1st. Sorry
about the mixup.
Danny
Comment:
Posted by John on 2/20/2003 at 07:46:46
IP: 142.55.246.4
Hey there! So, as is now updated on the Appearances
page, I talked to SUNY Brockport on the phone this
morning and they said that Danny would be appearing
at the college on the night of Feb 28th, and they said
they weren't sure about the 29th. Does anyone know if
Danny will infact also be there on the 29th? (or Danny,
do you know? hehe) Also, Danny, if you're out there, do
you know exactly what you're doing these days? I'm
going to be driving there from 2hrs away, so I want to
make sure the I come on the right day!
Also Danny, do you think that there will be an
opportunity to meet you at this event? I'd love to be able
to say hi!
Is anyone else from the board here planning on
attending the event? If so, let me know! They did let me
know that it will be open to the public for $5.00!
John 
FYI
Posted by Danny on 2/17/2003 at
15:56:22
IP: 12.242.162.217
for those of you who had asked, our appearance at the Capitol in
Arizona next week is technically open to the public even though it's not
being advertised as so.
Damian, My advice to you...don't pursue coworkers. It's nothing but a
bad idea, especially when you're unsure of their sexuality.
D
Comment:
Danny...I am seeking your advice!!!
Posted by Damian on
2/16/2003 at 19:43:31
IP: 63.154.32.106
I am very much sexually attracted to this guy at work Joe-whom I
can't but wonder if he may be bi however he talks about girls like any
regular guy would. But he doesn't seem to be getting any so you can
see why I wonder. i can't tell him how I feel because my fear of
embarrasement corrupts me and I would make a fool out of myself!
Although, I would even love being friends with him however I'm 17 and
he's 21 and that may pose a problem-not for me but maybe for him. I
don't see why bc I interact better with adults then my age group as a
result of close-mindedness of the average teen!!!! The best way to
describe my sexuality is that I'm attracted to anything sexy!!!!
Sat
Posted by Danny on 2/15/2003 at
13:23:31
IP: 12.242.162.217
What's up Jason. Having an excellent Saturday even though our
hiking plans were axed by rain. Go figure in Seattle. Going to do some
yard work later instead if th rain ends.
It's completely fine to disagree. I like when people voice their true
opinions instead of going along with what I say without thinking. Plus,
you can't really get a point across if there's no real opposition,
right?!
D
Chuck
Posted by Danny on 2/15/2003 at 13:17:52
IP: 12.242.162.217
I like what you wrote and it's the truth to this entire debate.
The environment vs economy is huge balancing act just as life is a
balancing act. We just need to remember that for every action, there's
an equal reaction.
D
Comment: Eco balancing act.......... I love a good challenge.
Posted by chuck-n-tx on 2/15/2003 at 07:29:20
IP: 64.219.114.193
Hey guys perhaps I am too much of a "glass half full" kinda guy. But I totally believe that we can have a beautiful environment & our perks in life too. Although gasoline was the subject earlier. Its only at the beginning of the stream. In refining oil you produce lots of other by-products that go into the other things in life we all enjoy. Look at the computer you are using right now and imagine how much of it is plastic? Just look around your room. The modem, the printer, the pen, the calculator, the TV, every bottle in your cabinet. Its everywhere in our lives. All of these products come from by-products of oil, which chemical companies buy from refineries. We will always have a demand for these products, so Saudi wont have to worry about starving for a long time. We just need to look at the way we produce them & the way we utilize them. We CAN do it better! We don't have to drive "gasoline guzzling" cars & smoke up the environment but we will have to refine oil in some manner.... And driving the production of these products out of the United States to China, India, Korea etc where there are no regulations is not the answer either....Its the same air we all share! It is a challenge but come on, we are smart people & we live in a great place. Lets put our heads together & do things smarter.
Ok I am climbing off my soapbox now. Comments welcome....
cya,
Chuck
updates
Posted by Danny on 2/15/2003 at 13:15:31
IP: 12.242.162.217
also, just to let you guys know, I've made updates to the tour
page as well as to my journal page. Thanks Jhune for getting those up
for me!
D
Raising Children
Posted by Danny on 2/15/2003 at
12:18:11
IP: 12.242.162.217
To answer your question, Paul and I have a friend here who was
raised by his 2 moms. He's one of the coolest, most down-to-earth,
together guys we know. The whole experience only made him a better
person. I think it also has alot ot do with where a gay couple raises
their kids. Obviously a kid growing up in Seattle per se would have a
much easier time having gay parents than a kid in Tennessee would. As
more and more kids are raised by gay parents I think society will grow
more comfortable with it.
My mom once told me when I was younger that she didn't think it would be
fair for me to be with a black woman and have children because they
would have such a hard time. Well that's BS because the real problem
there are the people who can't accept it. And that's the south for you
for that matter.
To Chris, I don't know what to say to you other than time heals. Did you
just finish highschool? If so, those memories fade quickly. I can hardly
remember highschool even though is was less than 10 years ago. Maybe
seeing a therapist would help you because it sounds as if you're really
damaged and you can't live your life that way. You'll only let those
assholes win if you don't pull yourself together and believe in yourself
again. I'm just sorry to hear that you had such a nasty experience.
Highschool in America sucks for the most part and you're not alone.
much love,
D
Comment: To Danny - A Thank You & A Story
Posted by Chris on 2/14/2003 at 21:27:16
IP: 12.249.46.98
To be honest, I'm not really sure how to start this all off. Usually I have had some basis of familiarity when I talk to somebody, and this is so out of the blue (which isn't usually how I approach people). I've actually tried contacting you (Danny0 every few months for the past year or so, but always came up short. Now that I see you frequent this board (I lost track of the CTOC site for awhile) I thought maybe I'll tell you my story but also benefit others by sharing it publicly as well. Why Danny? Being closeted to everybody I've ever been face to face with in real life back then and continuing in the same predicament today, seeing Danny on 'RW' allowed me to see a completely normal guy leading a seemingly normal life (as normal as a RW-er can get anyway) being generally accepted but at the same time being gay. I just felt at ease to see somebody in national spotlight who was openly gay and who looked happy with his life. I even remember how proud I felt for you - without knowing you, obviously - when Paul came to visit you and there was the shot of you two holding hands. There's not much I remember off-hand about show specifics, but that's one moment that has always stood out in my mind. I just.. I wanted to thank you for allowing me to see into your life like that and be a part of helping me cope with being trapped inside myself. That being said, here is my story.
I was always one of those kids whose parents wanted them to do everything. Do well in school, play sports, have friends.. the typical ideal of a child. I never did much of it of my own will, and one doesn't flourish in anything (whether it be sports, academics, or otherwise) if he or she doesn't have any sort of motivation to do well. Anyways, I came into high school in a class of 630+, where at my old school of nine years I came from a class of 78 - 13 of which were going to my high school. I wanted to be involved in something, so that summer I did volleyball camp since I was sure I'd do it in the spring (I was the top server out of our varsity conference my 8th grade year). I then saw football seemed.. not entirely difficult to learn, so I joined the team three weeks into the program (after all of the pre-season camps).
It wasn't that bad.. they were hard practices, but they kept us in shape and even though I was on the lower-half of the B-Team I enjoyed myself (those of you having played football - I think - you would probably agree). Families had the team dinners and there were events like Royal Rally (night before homecoming pep rally), and I felt very involved. There's always an unspoken camaraderie between teammates, and it's something I'd never had on the generic park district teams earlier in my life. Despite the fun I had, I didn't enjoy playing the game so much as watching it, and decided I wasn't going to join again sophomore year. Since I'd be doing volleyball in the spring, I wanted to use my freshman year to do the three-sport athlete deal. There were three options, two of which I couldn't meet the physical demands for. I'm horrible at basketball (skill or speed) and I hated to swim. That left wrestling, which I knew I wouldn't want to do either. Though I don't have anything against people who DO wrestle, I just wasn't up for that challenge.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, as fate would have it), I heard through friends of mine that being a manager on a sport qualified as being 'in' that sport. To this day, I still haven't proven if that's true or not. I also had the misconception that a guy couldn't manage a girl's sport. Nevertheless, I decided to manage something. With basketball, the manager practices with the team and just doesn't play in games. That left swimming and wrestling. I made wrestling out to be the lesser of two evils.
Jump forward to a few practices into the season. It was the day after the locker room assignments had been given out for the first time. It's mandatory for wrestlers to shower after every practice (ringworm, etc.), and after their first practice they'd left towels all over (which the janitors had complained about). The varsity head coach asked me, since I was a guy and it shouldn't have been too big of a deal, to make sure that after that practice everything got back to where it was supposed to be. Reluctantly, I went down the hall and into the locker room, unknowingly triggering the events that would effectively destroy the next four years of my life. I walked in, not knowing really what to do or where to look. So, I stood against a wall and just sort of looked at the ground. I was far too uncomfortable to do anything effective, and just sort of waited as everybody filtered in and out to check and see if everything ended up where it needed to be. I tried not to think about the self-image I was actively manifesting.
The next day could accurately be called the first day of the rest of my high school career. Every possible friendship I'd made so far that year, be it through volleyball or football, was effectively and systematically terminated. Of course that's all I had, since the few classmates from grade school I had with me in high school I wasn't friends with. People I sat with at
lunch refused to let me sit down. People I'd never seen or talked to yelled things out to me (use your imagination). What had started as a promising four years crashed and burned not far past nine weeks into the school year. It continued on like that for the rest of the year, week to week, day to day.
I spent my summer convincing myself that people would forget, and it wouldn't be an issue. I'm sure you've already figured out that that pattern of thought couldn't have been more wrong.
Sparing the details of flying out to California to try and forget about things and signing up for classes, I'll start off second week of sophomore year. I hadn't really heard anything about me at that point, not yet anyway, so I began to get hopeful. Needless to say, gym class that year was devastating.
A group of two 'jocks' - both football players, one a wrestler, and both baseball players - deemed me their punching bag. Not literally, of course - that would be far too simple and proper for a 'fag'. They had something much more sadistic in mind, and it was no secret to anyone. I was in physical management, and coincidentally ended up being the only guy in the class that year. Still, they found ways to get to me. While our class would be running our mandatory daily laps on the shelf, these two guys would 'lead' the gym class in calling at me, primarily in the stereotypical 'gay voice'. Before taking the time to say anything to my face, they'd tell people around them (both when I was around and when I wasn't) what they 'knew' I was, and made sure I knew about it.
There became a gradual progression throughout the year on the levels and intensity of harrassment. They began to 'hit on me'.. which escalated to hitting on me while forcing me to listen (blocking my path in the locker room, cornering me, etc.). Next, they resorted to 'feeling themselves up' (for lack of a more tactful term) in front of me, and ultimately got to the point of one of them physically coming in contact with me several times. They just did things like caressing my back, or grabbing my butt - but to anybody who's already a stigma, you can imagine how uncomfortable that was. The touching was more subtle than the verbal cues usually given, as I'm sure they didn't want to give their friends the wrong idea.
It's hard to think and talk about it. Regardless.. what they did to me scarred me for life, and destroyed me as a person. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But killing somebody doesn't have to by physical. They killed my spirit, my soul of being. I have no self-esteem, and I'm extremely self-conscious as a result. I'm insecure, and even though it's
been two years since they really made an attempt to conflict with me (once or twice last year), it still gets to me. It kills me that everytime I see these two particular people, I feel completely dead and empty inside..
I ended up not making volleyball that year. The coaches offered me a part of the team as a manager. Bittersweet irony, I suppose.
Junior year, I had a brief encounter with one of the aformentioned 'jocks' (no offense, of course - I don't want to seem bitter against jocks. That's definitely _not_ the case). Later that same year, while leaving a music rehearsal with my sister, a car carrying members of the lacrosse team nearly hit me in the parking lot, stopping only to run off homosexual slander and speed off. What bothered me is that I'd become so anesthesized by the remarks my sister became angrier and more upset than I did. I learned months later that they claimed to only have been ragging on each other and joking around when the car coincidentally stopped in front of me - and maybe they were - but it affected me all the same.
And in light of all of this.. I still want to make amends. I want to know why what happened to me happened to me, and why they felt it necessary for them to take it upon themselves to carry on that sick, sadistic daily ritual. And on some level, I subconsciously hope to be able to forgive them. I don't think that any of these people are truly bad people, I just think there were horrendously bad decisions made, and realizations gone unrealized. I wonder if these people known what effect they left on me, if they would feel any different and apologize. It's all I wanted, afterall.
Am I making these two people responsible for the way I act and feel? Not completely. There were, still are, and will be in the future, people who are equally detrimental in their hypocrasy. People who I'll talk to in class, who will smile at me, and will treat me like any other peer. Eventually, I'll find a majority of these people do nothing but tear me down behind my back. Not just any regular people. NHS members, T.R.U.S.T. leaders, Honorable Student Athletes, Varsity sport Captains (yes, one of those two guys ended up being Captain of the football team), members of Student Council, and Peer Mediators, among others. How can I learn to "cope" when the very people who are supposed to be the shining beacon of hope within our school community be the very ones who contribute to my own degredation and destruction?
And while I have all of these opinions and have gone into great detail about what has happened to me, I don't intend for this to be at all a story which induces pity in those who read it, or turn people against each other. I just want to convey that things like this do happen, whether we're aware of it or not. Are there things I could have done to lessen the blow? Of course. And that is a point within itself. To this day, I've not confronted any of the aforementioned people. They're people I see everyday, some I talk to. I smile and nod, and carry on conversation like everything were normal. But I do know what they do, and what they say, and so do other people.
I wish so badly to be able to be a piece of the grand structural framework that makes up a normal person my age. To be able to sit down anywhere, with anybody, at any lunch table, without thinking twice. To sit alone and have people come and sit with me; people who genuinely enjoy my company. But even those people that I call my friends here don't make any extraneous amount to make me feel included. And that is not the fault of their own. They naturally adopted their own groups early on, while I struggled in between. I have no one person I can honestly say I do everything with. I remain on that partition today.
I realize at this point you're thinking of how bad I had it, or how sorry you feel for me. And while I appreciate your sympathy, I don't mean that to be my main point. I want people to know that things like this do happen, and they
happen all around us. In most cases, such as mine, many people don't realize the severity of what happens. With the death of my spirit, a new spirit was formed and still waits to emerge. An inner light that drives me to succeed and work harder than I had before. It's that light, I hope, that will guide me through my life and somebody allow me to become a new person. It's that light which I hope will find me happiness.
I realize that everybody isn't bad. Bottom line? Don't become somebody you can relate to in this narrative. If you do? Realize it, admit it, and change it before it's too late. You can never go back.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts; hope this was worth something to somebody.
Chris
To Jason
Posted by Danny on 2/14/2003 at
19:47:16
IP: 12.242.162.217
Thanks for responding and especially with your argument. Now let
me shoot it down. First off, I'm not worried about the world dying. It's
very egotistical for us to say, "let's save the world" because the world
isn't going anywhere. You're completely right, the world can clean
itself up after we screw it up. However, WE are going somewhere and
we're going to go to hell if we don't watch it. Yes, we can add
thousands and thousands of more people but the more you add, the more
our quality of life goes down the ####ter. Try living in a crowded
nation like China or India. If our population were the same as China's
it would be physically impossible for us to have the same standard of
living because we would have sucked up many of the worlds resources long
ago not to mention we'd be breathing through respirators. Now, I don't
want my kids to have that kind of life. I want them to have a better
life than me if not at least equal. Yeah, we can add lots more people
and we will but as long as we don't change our habits, our lives are
going to get steadily ####tier and ####tier over time. Not to mention,
if we grow and grow and grow, where will find forests and animals? In a
few reserves here and there? That's not a healthy world my friend.
Response?
D
Comment: Danny (the environment)
Posted by Jason on 2/14/2003 at 16:05:16
IP: 65.102.138.141
Hey Danny, it's clear we disagree on some issues, but I definitely respect your beliefs and passions, and hope you are open minded enough to listen to mine as well.
I have never believed the earth is fragile. Did you know that your typical volcanic eruption puts more pollutants in the air than all auto emissions in the history of civilization combined? But the earth also has a mechanism for cleaning itself. It doesn't just sit there, get dirty and die. It has its own corrective measures. For us to think that we have the ability, just by virtue of living our lives in a way that enhances our lives, to destroy this planet is the height of folly.
I'm curious if any of you guys are familiar with the famous bet between the scientist Paul Ehrlich and another scientist, Dr. Julian Simon from the University of Maryland.
Dr. Ehrlich predicted back in the 70s that if the earth were to reach current population levels, that disaster, poverty and famine would result. He wrote his predictions in a book called, The Population Bomb. Well, along comes Dr. Simon with a bet: name ten resources and natural elements, and I'll bet you they will not only increase in supply in 20 years, but their price will be cheaper than they are now. Twenty years later, Dr. Simon won the bet on every score.
In Dr. Simon's mind, we had all sorts of room to grow in this world - and we still do. We're nowhere near the earth's capacity, which is yet another myth. Just to break it down with another classic example: the land area of Texas is 262,000 square miles, and the world's population is about 6 billion. By converting square miles to square feet and dividing by the world's population, one readily finds that there are more than 1,217 square feet per capita.
The entire world's population could fit into Texas! So much for the population bomb. The bottom line is you can take a deep breath because, we have not plundered the earth - we're not even close. Our planet is a remarkable place that will resist the best efforts of man to do it damage. There is an abundance of evidence around if people would just open their minds.
I'm not saying we can't make a mess, but we Americans are better than cleaning it up than anyone. It's in the communist countries where the earth is in the worst shape. The natural tendancy of humans is to believe doom and gloom. That doesn't make it factually accurate.
good night
Posted by Danny on 2/14/2003 at
22:58:55
IP: 12.242.162.217
just a little note before I go to bed to illustrate what i'm
talking about. Last year Paul and I went to buy a new car and the number
one thing on my "must" list was gas mileage at least over 30-highway.
The car salesman was so dumbfounded by the fact that this was important
to me. I don't think he had really ever come across that before and sort
of looked at me as a freak. well, I guess I am...an eco-freak.
Good night kids...it's bedtime. Happy V-day tomorrow.
love,
D
Kyle
Posted by Danny on 2/14/2003 at 22:54:07
IP: 12.242.162.217
Tis true, new technology always cost more in the beginning but
prices plummet after it catches on. (the personal computer for example).
Isn't it funny that so many Ameicans are fully ready to throw down big
bucks for new technology like flat screen televisions but scoff at the
idea of paying a little more for a cleaner engine! However, the
government will give you a tax exemption if you buy the hybrids.
D
Re: ECO Freak
Posted by KyleNY on 2/14/2003 at 22:43:35
IP: 165.247.35.147
You make a really good point. Automakers refuse to adopt these technologies due to what they believe is a natural reluctance from the American public to adopt these changes. Initially they will cost more and there unfortunately are too many people out there who see the idea of hybrid cars, and any other future technologies aiding in reducing automotive emissions, as simply a frickin' luxury. I know for a FACT that this technology is out there, but the people doing the research and coming up with these technological advances are faced with a sea of backlash, that car makers aren't willing to talk about. Living in NY, I'm certainly no stranger to the inescapable stench of bus fumes, car exhaust, and the infinite other pollutants that loom over this city, especially noticable in summer. People need to open their eyes. You'd think that all of these upper class americans trying to 'support' and promote awareness of these things would do something like, I don't know... sell the f***ing SUV... and get this technological ball rolling so that we don't suffocate under the exhaust of our own wheels.
ok, done ranting....later on.
mean green
Posted by Danny on 2/14/2003 at
22:50:04
IP: 12.242.162.217
I really think that hydrogen fuel cells are the way of the future.
Not only are they extremely clean but hydrogen is a cheap and plentiful
fuel that will never run out. Imagine the money we can save on top of
being able to breath the air! It'll just suck for oil producing
countries like Saudia Arabia. What the hell will htey do then?
To answer a question that came up on the journal page about Paul...yes,
he's out of the Army now. He was a captain but got out last spring to
move on in life. Even though he loved the military, it just
unfortunately wasn't compatible with us. I hated that he had to leave.
One guy asked why gays would be in the military since we're so
unwelcome. I think there are many things in life more important than
sexuality and for many, a career is exactly that. Besides, you can hold
just about any job where your coworkers are going to dislike gays.
Welcome to America. The main reason why gays SHOULD serve in the
military is because change happens from within. The military would never
change if gays weren't a part of the system. Eventually, you'll see more
and more ex-military figures who will come out of the closet and who'll
make a difference. People will see that they were and are fully capable
of handling the job. That's how change happens, not by whiners
complaining to the government about how unfare things are. I say go for
it if you're into it.
D
ECO Freak
Posted by Danny on 2/13/2003 at 22:09:16
IP: 12.242.162.217
man I love a good ECO debate.
First off, Jason...weak defense of America. Yes, many 3rd world nations
pollute more than the US but here's the truth. Those countries are just
now beginning to develop. They are at a point in the industrial race
where we where over a hundred years ago. It takes a long time to
develop. We've had more than enough time to clean up our act but we're
the brats on the block that don't want to take responsability because
we'd rather make a buck than do what's right. Don't compare us to the
3rd world; compare us to our conterparts...the rest of the developed
world. I'm not really worried about it though because ecological
responsability on our part will eventually come out of necessity.
Hopefully it will just be sooner than later. So try again my friend.
Mulder, first off, i'll never be a corn ball suburban commuter hauling
my kids to school in an SUV. There are better choices like living close
enough to school's, etc to walk (urban life is for me) or public
transport. Besides, by the time I have kids we had better be using
cleaner technology in our engines (hybrid,etc).
Let's look at this problem from a distance and see it for what it really
is. It's not so much the size of our cars (I.E. SUVS) but rather our
reluctance to build and buy cleaner burning technology in our engines.
Our automakers refuse to adopt technology that already exists and are
way behind on working on new technology. They're starting to work on it
but late in the game. Many of you may feel that driving cars that suck
gas isn't that big of a deal but if you live in cities like Atlanta,
Houston, Los Angeles, etc you'd really understand what they do to the
air. There are so many cities now where the air is unbreathable half the
year and it's mostly due to stubborn assholes who don't give a crap
about how much gas they're using.
Responses?
D
Comment: Danny
Posted by Jason on 2/13/2003 at 21:12:05
IP: 65.102.138.141
>>People just like to use them as an example because they
represent Americas obsession with large cars and a lack of care for
the social and environmental problems that they create.>>
Do you realize that we contribute very little pollution compared with
the rest of the world. Do you think third world countries in Africa
and the middle east have the same kind of ecological standards and
agencies that we do? HELL NO..I'm not saying we are saints when it
comes to pollution, but you have to look at things on a global scale.
Scott
Posted by D on 2/13/2003 at 21:03:29
IP: 12.242.162.217
I remember exactly who you are and I'm sure your school will be
part of the conference. Check in with your school's activities board.
D
Comment: Arizona Again (sorry)
Posted by Scott Desj on 2/13/2003 at 20:54:23
IP: 207.108.138.227
I am a student. I'm a freshman at Arizona State U. is that where the students are coming from ? Thanks for the responses man by the way
Jason
Posted by D on 2/13/2003 at 21:02:26
IP: 12.242.162.217
using a few examples of hypocrytes out there doesn't justify our
gas consumption. Facts are facts and our country alone consumes 25% of
the worlds energy yet we make up a tiny fraction of the world
population. (280 million of the worlds 6 billion!) In general, we love
huge cars and powerful engines that suck gas like its' going out of
style. SUVS are only part of the problem. People just like to use them
as an example because they represent Americas obsession with large cars
and a lack of care for the social and environmental problems that they
create. Regardless, buying gas supports terrorists, not drugs.
D
Comment: Anti-SUV ads:
Posted by Jason on 2/13/2003 at 20:39:02
IP: 65.102.138.141
Hey Danny, guess I missed ya..and I hate to kind of disagree
with you. I definitely think we should be working towards better fuel
standards for SUVS, but the reason they sell, is because they (in the
light truck category) are now outselling cars. I drive an 02 Nissan
Xterra and don't consider myself a "terrorist" or polluter. Just
wanted to post this blurb I found a while ago on MSNBC and saved it.
THE four founders of the Detroit Project - the anti-SUV campaign that
blames the gas-guzzlers for aiding terrorism - have a blind spot when
it comes to the use of gas-guzzling private jets. Arianna Huffington,
producer Lawrence "Reservoir Dogs" Bender, talent agent Ari Emanuel -
brother of Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) - and Laurie David, wife of
writer-comedian Larry David, all have gas-saving hybrid cars in their
fleets of vehicles, but they all prefer private jets to commercial
flights. Emanuel - who swears he sold his Ferrari for a Toyota Prius
while his wife drives a non eco-friendly Volvo and a minivan - is said
to love flying private jets. "Ari spent tens of thousands last year in
private jet fees - he hates flying commercial," chortled one spy.
Emanuel acknowledged he flew private planes. Laurie David is also a
jet lover. "Ever since Larry hit it big with 'Seinfeld,' Laurie flies
to Martha's Vineyard like five times a year in her jet," said another
spy. Huffington also uses jets, although she only mooches rides on the
planes of friends who'd be flying in any case. Thus, her fuel
consumption is zero.
Just a little bit of hypocricy..don't you guys think?
Arizona
Posted by Danny on 2/13/2003 at
19:47:18
IP: 12.242.162.217
not sure if it's open to the public or not but probably not since
it's such a huge conference already just with the students. You could
always show up and pretend to be a student. Maybe they wont check.
To Stoney and everybody, Happy Valentines day tomorrow and don't worry
if you don't have a Valentine. It's a Hallmark holiday anyhow.
I never had one before Paul!
Love,
D
Comment: Arizona Tour date at Capitol Building
Posted by Scott D on 2/13/2003 at 19:36:07
IP: 207.108.138.227
Does anyone know whether the conference at the Arizona State Capitol Building where Danny is on Feb. 25 is open to the public to attend ?
anti-drug Campaign
Posted by Danny on 2/13/2003 at
19:23:10
IP: 12.242.162.217
Stoker,
jeez, thanks for bringing that one up. This campaign is so out of hand
and so freakin rediculous. I'm pissed that my tax money is paying for
it. What gets me are the ones that say drug money supports terrorists.
B.S. my friend. Very little drug money is supporting terrorists if any
at all. If they wanted to be truthful about the subject, they would have
shown the commercial that shows people filling up their cars (especially
SUV's) with gas and showing the connection with buying Mid-Eastern oil
and terrorists. They've proven that many wealthy Saudis have been giving
money to terrorist groups and we get alot of oil from them. All
Americans are therefore responsible for funding terrorists, not simply
those who toke up.
Thanks for listening to me rant and rave.
D
Comment: These drug commercials are getting out of hand..........
Posted by Stoker on 2/13/2003 at 14:58:11
IP: 24.162.122.42
The reasons that the crash test dummies crashed because they were stoned????????????
Someone PLEASE explain that to me!!!!!!
Stoney
Posted by Danny on 2/10/2003 at
10:37:30
IP: 12.242.162.217
yeah man, I love island music. I wish we were heading back there.
You don't even know how bad Paul wants to go!
D
Comment: Danny! Do you think you like Hawaiian Music? I want to send you a mixture of Hawaiian music on a Posted by Stoney on 2/10/2003 at 10:29:40
IP: 198.81.20.176
cd k! Did you listen to island music when you went to Kauai ? Isnt it time for another trip to the islands yet?
I am going to be in Vegas at the end of the month watch the Nascar race. I see that you are going to hit S.F soon! That is my home town!! I was born and raised there. I hope you enjoy the City! I wish I was there too
alOHa
Morning
Posted by Danny on 2/10/2003 at
10:04:33
IP: 12.242.162.217
Good morning CTOC. Someone asked and I forgot to tell...I would
say Stevie Nicks. You can't got wrong with Fleetwood Mac. I'm not really
into her newer stuff though.
Kyle, as for art in Seattle, this city has a huge art scene. There are
galleries everywhere and I mean, everywhere. You'll find a concentration
of them in Pioneer square and also some in Belltown. I forgot to
mention, eat at the Noodle Ranch in Belltown (cheap), which is right by
several galleries.
Happy Birthday to you know who! I love your reference to the drama here.
Very true but I guess that's to be expected with alot of gay men
collected together.
D
Comment:
Posted by Damian on 2/8/2003 at 13:58:48
IP: 63.154.76.30
There's a song which reminds me of you when I hear it. "The Game of Love" by Santana and Michelle Branch!!!! I"m not exactly sure why!!!!
D, Thanks from Kyle!Comment:
Posted by KyleNY on 2/8/2003 at 20:58:03
IP: 165.247.43.90
Hey Danny,
That's one hell of an itinerary I'd have, but I'll be sure to see and
experience as much as I can. Yeah, this probably isn't the best time
to see Seattle, but if you know anything about what the weather has
been like this past month in NY, Seattle can't be all that bad. It's
cold as sh** here. Anyway, thanks again for the info, especially the
lodging tips. I need to go the cheap route, but was afraid of being
cooped up in some rat's nest of a hotel somewhere. What's the art
scene like there? That's definitely something I wanted to check out...
Oh yeh, I have a friend at Entertainment Weekly who I think you know
from about a year ago. She was at your photo shoot. If you're ever in
town and want to chill, email me and I'll let her know. Anyway, take
it easy man.
By the way, is anyone else from NY around here?
Comment:
Danny!Posted by Jason on 2/9/2003 at 02:23:06
IP: 65.102.138.141
I'm extremely hurt that you didn't wish me happy birthday.
I thought that after what we had shared on these
boards that you OWED me that much!!
(I'm kidding, just imitating some of the melodrama seen on this board)
How was your Saturday Danny..do you ever go to Vaughns? or Belltown
pizza on 1st and Wall? (I live at 4th and Wall, so it's a really short
walk) THE BEST PIZZA IN SEATTLE! (and cool bartenders)
Ciao
Posted by D on 2/8/2003 at 13:13:04
IP: 12.242.162.217
Hey guys, considering it's 1pm here, I should have breakfast and get my day started. Have a good weekend.
D
Today
Posted by Danny on 2/8/2003 at 13:01:42
IP: 12.242.162.217
Cold as hell and cloudy though no rain. We were going mtn biking
but the weather sucks too bad for that one.
D
Comment: hey Danny... How's Seattle today?>>>
Posted by kev on 2/8/2003 at 13:00:57
IP: 65.26.244.96
I've yet to come there... I have a few friends I should come and visit
Jag
Posted by D on 2/8/2003 at 13:00:41
IP: 12.242.162.217
not sure where you sent it since I don't have a public email address so that would be a no. Sorry. Levi, I think you should revaluate how you feel about this kid. From reading your post, it sounds as if you're still really into him. Maybe more than you realize?
DComments: hey man, did you get the thesis i sent you?
Posted by Jag on 2/8/2003 at 12:41:22
IP: 24.100.85.104i think i might be developing a dilemma (?spelling?)....
Posted by levi on 2/8/2003 at 12:37:41
IP: 64.12.105.173
a friend who i totally fell for, but have gotten over has moved near me. like only a few blocks away. and i went over there and hung out wiht him for a few hours once already. and he said whenever i wanted to i could call and maybe we could hang out. and now i constantly want to be over there. i just want to get out of my room and out of this house, and he is the only friend who lives near me. i am jsut afraid that he will think i am falling for him again, which i don't think i am, and so dont' want to do. i have decided to just wait until he asks me to hang out, btu it isn't easy becaus emy life sucks and just being away from here helps.
yeah, that would be included
Posted by D on 2/8/2003 at 13:09:41
IP: 12.242.162.217
the "market" I mentioned is the "fish Market". There's much, much more there than fish. It's fun to hang out at.
DComment: and the fish market!!!LOL
Posted by Stoker on 2/8/2003 at 13:08:25
IP: 24.162.122.42
Re: Seattle
Posted by Danny on 2/8/2003 at 13:06:53
IP: 12.242.162.217
Oh yeah, hello, I forget the tourist things that Seattle is best known for. (I have yet to do these things). Yeah, Stoker is right. There's the Seattle Center, which is where the Space Needle is at. There is also the "Experience" music museum, the science museum, theaters, a small amusement park, gardens and people watching. This center is in lower Queen Anne and you can get there from the retail district downton via the monorail at the west lake station.
DComment: Have you been to the music museum?
Posted by Stoker on 2/8/2003 at 13:03:18
IP: 24.162.122.42
I can't remember what it is called and I think the other Microsoft guy, Paul Allen, gave a big chunk of money to it.
Seattle
Posted by Danny on 2/8/2003 at 12:58:19
IP: 12.242.162.217
Kyle,
too bad you're coming this time of the year (not the best). The best part of Seattle is the surroundings....mtns, lakes, rivers, the sound, etc but you don't want to be out there now. In the city, check out Pioneer square (old city) and if you like, venture up the hill to the International District (China town). If you want to check out the gay part of town, go to Broadway on Capitol hill. That's where alot of the city's clubs and bars are (straight and gay). One of my favorite clubs here is up there on either Pine or Pike streets and it's called the Baltic room. If you're in town on Monday, the night there is called "I love Shiva" and it's awesome. Be ready for panhandlers en masse on Capitol Hill(crack heads galore). If you want to be a tourist, check out the water front and piers and you must go to the market. From there you can easily walk to the downtown retail district, which has every chain store under the sun. Skip that if time is limited. If you don't already have plans for a hotel, stay at the ACE hotel in Belltown...it's awesome and affordable though most rooms are European style, which means you'll be sharing a bathroom (it's clean though). It's also above one of my favorite bars called the Cyclops. I used to live in Belltown and there are alot of restaurants, bars and clubs down there as well. If you have acess to a car and want to check out a park, go to Discovery park in Magnolia. (ask for directions; everyone knows it). It's beautiful and has views of the sound and Olympic mtns not to mention nice hiking trails that lead down to the water from the cliff tops. Finally, for a nice view of downtown and Mt Rainier, go to the park on the side of Queen Anne (ask locals) and you wont believe your eyes. Queen Anne is also an awesome neighborhood to stroll around if you go to the top. Hopefully it wont rain on you (this has been a dry winter for the most part) and have fun.
D
Comment: Heading to Seattle
Posted by KyleNY on 2/8/2003 at 10:32:43
IP: 165.247.41.197
Hey guys. I'm fom NY and am probably making a trip to Seattle pretty soon. Any ideas on what I should definitely NOT miss while I out there?
good morning
Posted by Danny on 2/8/2003 at 11:34:27
IP: 12.242.162.217
good morning CTOC. Anyone around?
D
nope
Posted by Danny on 2/7/2003 at 23:06:24
IP: 12.242.162.217
nope, wasn't me. In spite of all the imposters out there, I don't IM and don't have AOL. I'm going to crash so goodnight Stoker and all.
D
???????
Posted by D on 2/7/2003 at 22:58:58
IP: 12.242.162.217
fell?
Comment: Well...........
Posted by Stoker on 2/7/2003 at 23:04:44
IP: 24.162.122.42
I have always taken it with a grain of salt that whoever I was talking to on IM was not you, and if it was you would know what I was talking about. Whoever it is has a friend that is a magician and he fell a few weeks ago and is still on a slow road to recovery. Whoever it is I just wanted to keep them informed!! Anyway sorry for the mix up. If not you know how to get ahold of me.
nope
Posted by D on 2/7/2003 at 22:56:30
IP: 12.242.162.217
not sure who Trey is. remind me.
D
?
Posted by D on 2/7/2003 at 22:51:57
IP: 12.242.162.217
don't know what you're talking about Stoker
email
Posted by Danny on 2/7/2003 at 22:47:21
IP: 12.242.162.217
don't think so
D
Comment: Question.........
Posted by Stoker on 2/7/2003 at 22:44:27
IP: 24.162.122.42
did you get my e-mail from jhune about a mutual friend?
Jim
Posted by Danny on 2/7/2003 at 22:44:18
IP: 12.242.162.217
oh yeah, it's SUNY Brockport not Rochester. That's a mixup and I need to update my tour page.
Thanks,
D
answers
Posted by Danny on 2/7/2003 at 22:43:27
IP: 12.242.162.217
Jack-I made this website along with my web-designer named Jhune (also web-designer for DannyandPaul.com). This is my Official site and I have nothing to do with the other sites relating to me (content wise). Phil-my events are sometimes open to the public but that's up to school's to decide. You would have to contact the school to find out but i'm not sure what group there is hosting me.
Comment: So who made that website?
Posted by Jack on 2/6/2003 at 20:50:16
IP: 67.1.56.232
Wouldn't they need your permission or something to make a website about you? I don't mean to sound rude or anything.
to clear things up
Posted by Danny on 2/6/2003 at 20:37:17
IP: 12.242.162.217
Also, I'm realizing more and more that alot of people think that DannyandPaul.com is my site...it's not. That would be extremely self-serving of myself to create the site and a jinx to us. So, to clear this up, Countrytoconcrete.org is MY site and DannyandPaul.com is not (Jhune's site).
Thanks guys.
D
St Michael's/Vermont
Posted by Danny on 2/6/2003 at 20:35:27
IP: 12.242.162.217
Just getting home from vermont and wanted to say what an awesome time I had there. The people were super friendly and the state/school impressed me. You guys have your #### together so much more than alot of people out there. Thanks to the Ally group again...you guys showed me a good time.
peace.